Hello Oil-Based, My Old Friend

By Robin Gofton


Before anyone starts… no, nothing in the photo is my work. No, I’m not necessarily saying you have to use Scuff-X on everything, nor that you necessarily always have to use an adhesion primer with it. It’s just a bit of fun, for those of you who can remember what that is.

To the tune of “The sound of silence”:


Hello oil-based, my old friend,

I’ve come to sort you out again.

When you were new they were so proud to own ya,

But now you’ve turned from white into magnolia

And that finish, which they said would last for years


Will end in tears.

I’m sorry, but it’s time for Scuff-X.

When in the bedroom light I saw

That oil-based gloss, I knew the score.

Quick degrease, key, adhesion primer;

I’m using Whitson’s and there’s nothing finer,

Now the door that was letting down the side

Regained its pride

Thanks to a coat of Scuff-X.


No, maybe I’ll stick to the day job!

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