Funny Decorating Stories

We asked members of  The Decorators Forum to give us their funny stories from within the industry…. This is what they came back with!!

Working in a small downstairs toilet 10 years ago, took handle off to paint door. (you know what’s coming)

Door closes, bar falls through, and I have no tools to open it. Also had no phone, and the room had no window for anyone to hear my cries. Customer had gone out to work, so just had to sit it out. literally.

Longest 7 hours of my life.

At least I couldn’t sh*t myself though, so every cloud.

Moral of the story…

Don’t be a t##t.

Wesley Knight

Working in a house with an older decorator who was telling me how much he fancied the woman of the house. We were working near the front door and i said theres the woman back, he said aw fuck av just farted as well n its stinking but he didnt realise she had already opened the door, his face was a picture when he lifted his head up

Del Readie

Working with apprentice. Went down road and heard a cry. He was literally hugging a chimney. I said WTF are you doing up there?? He said the chippy had told him to bitumen the TV ariel. The bugger then took the creep ladder away!!!!

Simon Green

Whilst working on a conference centre in Buckingham we had regular visits from a very very attractive female architect. During one visit I’m chatting to the mud slinger, he says ‘I’m going to tell her I’m just off to find something in my van to fill her crack with’ through his laughter he notices me looking over his shoulder worryingly, he says she’s behind me isn’t she….. Turns around and literally ran from the room

Andrew 'Drew' Morrison

Pricing a house walking round with this bloke and then got to his daughters bedroom , opened door and walked in and the was a massive dildo on floor . Without hesitation the bloke ran up and booted it across the room like a 30 yard free kick and screamed ” I’ve told her to stop leaving them out”

I was dying… shame the daughter was not a looker though 🤢

Mickey Fallis

I had 1 stained door left to get painted up.

The customer comes and brings me a brew over and didn’t realise she let the dog out. This dog was a rodhesion ridge back and the size of a bloody horse. she always had to keep him out because for some reason he would see me as easy pickings and tried to mount me at any opportunity. 😂

He bolted in, tried getting jiggy with me knocking my tea all over the shop.The customer grabs him and shuts him in their freshly finished living room.

He jumps up on the new sofa and makes himself comfy feeling sorry for himself.

We didn’t realise in all the commotion that when he knocked my tea everywhere he also stood on the tray that was full of BIN and it tipped up his leg and covered his backside – brand new sofa, ruined!

Richard Irons

I was 3rd year apprentice and 3 of us working in a house. One of the lads knocked a 5L of paint down the stairs while pouring it into the scuttle. The older guy grabbed the little dog and rubbed him in the paint and told the boss and house owner the dog knocked over the paint

John Magee

So I know you won’t believe this but it’s my truth , I swear by almighty God , you really had to be there to actually appreciate this jaw dropping moment on site it was like an act of God !!! It was a Monday morning and I turned up on site and …… I still can’t believe it I get really emotional when I look back on this day but as I walked into the main bedroom the electrician was in the middle of sweeping up his own mess !!!!!! Not only that he had filled his holes in around the sockets!! I shit you not what an experience it was for me , a true rare act these days ! The end

Mark Brown

Worked on a dementia ward, lady p**sed on my dust sheets & accused me of pinching her slippers, had a month of it

Steve Wild

Working on a house, walked in, partially obscured view of a pair of bare male hairy legs on the sofa. Called out a cheery “hello” – no response.

Walked in to room to see said male stark naked on the sofa, sound asleep. Averted gaze and crept past him to head upstairs to start painting. But he woke up with a snort-jolt.

We then spent the rest of the day in awkward silence, avoiding each other’s gaze because he knew that I’d seen, and I knew that he knew that I’d seen.

Sonja Riches

Me and a mate where working in a kitchen and the lady was very attractive. My mate and I we were talking about her to each other saying the usual stuff when you have a good looking customer. She came downstairs red faced and we couldn’t work out why until I went upstairs and noticed a baby monitor. The other receiver was in the kitchen we were working in, she heard everything

Dean Sinclair