Funny Decorating Stories

We asked members of The Decorators Forum to give us their funny stories from within the industry…. This is what they came back with!!

Working in an old lady’s house with a little chihuahua dog. Painting a bright red door in gloss. She loved this dog she kept talking to like a baby.

My mate knocked it by stepping backwards and split it all over her cream carpet. She was upstairs at the time while the dog was sleeping on the sofa by us. Panic set in!! He grabbed the dog and threw it across the spilt paint and called the old woman saying that she must keep the dog with her as it’s knocked the paint over!!! She apologised to us, took the dog and told him he was a very naughty boy!!!

John Fleming

Ok I moved to Norway 13ish years ago and started teaching myself Norwegian. I was pretty impressed with myself!! I was working at a very nice old lady house, 90ish years old, so in my best Norwegian I was ask for a old rag or cloth I could use but but as I said (har du en gammel fita)

The look on her face was priceless!! Shocked is a understatement!! So I panic thinking “what it was I just said” and started repeating the words (fita) (Fila) many times. She walked away. Very mad a few minutes later she walked back in the room with a old tea towel and and smiled (Ja, jeg er 90 år gammel og jeg har en gammel fita)

I translated to the old women do you have a old Virginia I can use.

Stephen Rawlinson

Was working in an old people’s home

Went to introduce myself to the lady before getting my tools she was 96

Came back with my tools she was butt naked with a tub of cream in her hand asking me to rub it in to her skin!! She thought I worked there and was there to put her daily cream on lol

Gavin Sutcliffe

I was 18, 6.30am in an office block next to BT Tower. Snagging another firm’s work, paint was in a lock up in basement. A red vinyl silk, found tin straight away on the floor, popped the lid and proceeded to touch up the walls on the 6 floor main staircase. Literally walking and touching up as I go, stopping and starting! Got to top and a cleaner saw me, started pointing and screaming. Scared the shit out of me, proper going off on one. As this is happening my hand went under the tin, and paint started pouring onto my hand, I looked down and there was a big puddle of red paint on carpet. Spun around and there was a trail of paint down the stairs, then a little puddle where I’d stopped ,then a trail where I was walking etc…. the tin of paint had been slammed down on top of a screw and lucky me had opened it!! Rang my dad panicking, he just said mop up best you can and get the hell out!!

 

My funniest moment by far. Apologies if a bit long winded!! 😁

Adam Fiske

Painting fascia and soffits at the mother in laws when her elderly neighbour pops her head round and asks if I do foreigners which I replied “yes”

Which she replied “I’m a foreigner “

Jamie Blackwell

I have an associate who is a decorating supervisor who is colour blind and dislexic ( hopefully spelt right) we were doing a housing association job in Ealing , he covered for me whilst on holiday for two weeks, ordered loads of paint before I left dulux Conker brown doors , frames, skirting sand balustrade, come home from holiday to be told that five 2 storey statices all completed, happy days go out on site and lo and behold 5 staircases done white ceilings maggy walls and dark green woodwork and balustrade ( dulux holly bush to be precise) when I asked what the fuck was going on as it was quite obviously the wrong colour him and two foreign painters just shrugged their shoulders, I can only assume there was a bad line on the mobile phone when I ordered from dulux, luckily had a forgiving boss at the time and somehow it covered in one coat when we put it right

 

Brian Sweeney

Was working on site once, and I was sent to do a customer care. I had the keys but knocked a lot, there was no answer so I let myself in. I was going round doing all my touch ins when I entered the bedroom, I stepped on the bed and thought I stepped on a remote or something… nope the bloke is there lying in his bed!!! He gets up, I apologise and he just says “its fine crack on I was getting up in 5 mins anyways”

Declan Sloan

Working for good customer who quite posh, I suffer from celiac disorder (gluten intolerance) but I didn’t know it at the time.

Anyway I was having stomachs trouble and I was bloating out thinking I’m gonna have to drive home and come back.

I heard the owner’s husband about up the stairs “we are off out for a couple of hours see you later”. Brilliant! I heard the front door close then ran downstairs to their toilet which was under the stairs and let it go as it were!! Proper dumb and dumber toilet scene!! Horrible pain me groaning. Next thing I hear a nick on the toilet door and a lovely posh voice saying “are you okay in there?” I didn’t realise that the husband went out to get the car out of the garage and the wife was in the kitchen which is next to toilet!! She must have heard everything!! The worst ever embarrassment in my life to date!! The following day I was very sheepish as you can imagine!! Shortly after that I was diagnosed celiac and avoid gluten so all good now!!

Louie Martin

Working for an auld man with Alzheimer’s, right fine lad, but had his moments! kept telling me Hitler was a painter and offered me a bowl of soup every half hour! So I took my flask down the next day, and the soup offered kept my wee lassys in tea for a couple of nights

Calum Moir

Worked with a bloke called chopper who killed a prostitute then cut up her body with a black and decker. He didn’t drive so put the body parts in a sack got a taxi and buried them around the job….. nice bloke

Steven Markey

Here’s a little tip – Adding a little drop of detergent to water when stripping wallpaper to break surface tension and help with soaking.

Craig Rainey

Not me, but my mate Martyn J Bedford was in Featherstone nick and he used to make paint brushes with an old geezer called Burt who was originally a decorator. Anyway the bloke had no family so left mart his wallpaper brush and asked him to keep it going as he’d had it for years so Martyn decided to become a decorator 2 years ago when he was released

David Fortnam

Working in a art collage years ago and Id not been seeing my partner long . So starts telling my mates who I’m working with that that night, my new girlfriend and I were staying at her sisters as she was away and if I’m lucky…. I might be getting my brown wings tonight. To which my friend answered, ” you’ll have to excuse my friend he’s been single a while”. I hadn’t noticed the manager of the place walk in.

 

Richard Senior

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