We asked members of The Decorators Forum to give us their funny jokes and Christmas stories. This is an example of what they came back with.

Where does mistletoe go to be famous?

Holly wood
Donna Ridge

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised!
John Preece

NEWSFLASH…Ireland’s worst ever plane disaster!! A 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetery today!!

So far rescue workers have uncovered 828 bodies, the digging continues.
Lee Stantiall

How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?

Just 1 after that it is not empty!🍻 Hope everyone had a good Christmas
Dave Davis

Best story – Has to be the army lad wrapped in a box and he had been away 6 months,his son was told he could open a presant early ……….his dad popped out had me buckled x

Robert Waugh

While sitting on my bed one night pulling my boxers off, the wife said you spoil those dogs…..

Steve Weaver

I have a super power!! I know what is inside wrapped presents….

It’s a gift.
Dave Anderson

Just back from the vets with the dog as its been eating all the Christmas Dec’s all last night, £120 later………….Bloody Dogs got tinselitis 👌

Colin CoCo pops

This is the nuts!!

Roy Durry

This year,I have decided to release a Christmas song called ” Duvet Know it’s Christmas?

It’s a cover version…😆😃😂😂

Merry Christmas to everyone
Terry Clark

I’ve just been diagnosed with insomnia…

On the plus side only 2 sleeps til Christmas
John Jones

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.  He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. 

The blonde looked at Jack and said,  “Do you think he’ll jump?”

Jack says, “You know what, I bet he will.”  The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”  Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, “You’re on!” 

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.  The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, “Fair’s fair… Here’s your money.”

Jack replied, “I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news and knew he would jump.” 

The blonde replies, “I did too;  but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

Jack took the money.
Alexander Brown

Husband says to his wife “put your coat on I’m going down the pub.

” why am I coming with you” she replies

“No I’m turning the heating off”
Ryan Chick

I was at the cash point and there was a man in front of me. He was standing on 1 leg  wobbling a bit. I said ‘ are you ok mate?’

To which he replied ‘ yeah , I’m just checking my balance ‘
😆😆😆
Penny Elson

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

Sold his soul to Santa and sacrificed a coat
Sean Flynn

Sponsored by

My Paintbrush

https://www.mypaintbrush.co.uk/

 

 

Check out our other articles

Catchphrases Used By Professional Decorators

Catchphrases Used By Professional DecoratorsWe asked a million decorators what their catchphrases are..... Most of them just ignored us, but the rest are listed below We straighten that up on the second coat ! God I'm good If it don't move paint it Well what do we...

The drying process of waterbased trim paints

The drying process of waterbased trim paints Is it safe to speed up the drying process of waterbased trim paints in order to achieve more coats in a single day? Joe Elwick From Joe Pro Decor Asks The Question Noticed a few comments about the rapid drying time of water...
Decorators top Christmas jokes

Decorators top Christmas jokes

We asked members of The Decorators Forum to give us their funny jokes and Christmas stories. This is an example of what they came back with. Where does mistletoe go to be famous? Holly wood I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised!...
professional decorators top tips industry

Professional Decorators Give Their Tips On Wallpapering

Professional Decorators Give Their Tips On Wallpapering We asked members of Decorators Forum to give their professional wallpapering secrets away.... This is what they came back with On dark colour wallpaper plan out and paint were joints will be Don't hang Laura...
The Best Excuses For Someone To Be Off Work

The Best Excuses For Someone To Be Off Work

The Best Excuses For Someone To Be Off Work We asked members of Decorators Forum Facebook Group for the best (worst) excuses they had come across for an employee not to be in work!!This should be good...  I burnt myself on a sunbed I had a premonition that while I was...
What is your ‘ELEPHANT TETHER?’

“How has the Decorators Forum helped you?”

“How has the Decorators Forum helped you?” In 2015 I created a group on Facebook called the “Decorators Forum” which I added all the decorators I knew, and asked them to add all decorators they knew in return as a ‘collective knowledge' of the decorating trade. 3...

professional Painter Decorator hints tips

Professional Decorators Give Their Best Hint and Tips We asked professional Decorators on  The Decorators Forum to give their best hints and tips from within the industry. This is a sample of what they came back with: Drill a finger hole in your hop up, easier to move...

Confessions Decorator Worst ‘Bump’ Job

Confessions Of A Decorator - The Worst 'Bump' Job You've Ever Done We asked a selection of decorators what the worst 'bump' job they have ever come across. You won't be surprised to learn that almost all the decorators we spoke to pride themselves on maintaining...
professional Decorators always line walls before wallpapering

professional Decorators always line walls before wallpapering

Professional Decorators always line walls before wallpapering   We asked professional decorators on Wallpaper Hangers Group whether it's always necessary to line a plastered wall before installing a finish paper.... It's safe to say opinions are divided. I've...
professional decorators top tips industry

professional decorators top tips industry

Professional Decorators Give Their Top Tips From within The Decorating Industry     We asked professional painters and decorators on Decorators Forum to give their expert tips and hacksabout their craft. this is a sample of what they came up with. we hope...