Where does mistletoe go to be famous?
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
NEWSFLASH…Ireland’s worst ever plane disaster!! A 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetery today!!
How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?
Best story – Has to be the army lad wrapped in a box and he had been away 6 months,his son was told he could open a presant early ……….his dad popped out had me buckled x
While sitting on my bed one night pulling my boxers off, the wife said you spoil those dogs…..
I have a super power!! I know what is inside wrapped presents….
Just back from the vets with the dog as its been eating all the Christmas Dec’s all last night, £120 later………….Bloody Dogs got tinselitis 👌
This is the nuts!!
This year,I have decided to release a Christmas song called ” Duvet Know it’s Christmas?
It’s a cover version…😆😃😂😂
I’ve just been diagnosed with insomnia…
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”
Jack says, “You know what, I bet he will.” The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.” Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, “Fair’s fair… Here’s your money.”
Jack replied, “I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news and knew he would jump.”
The blonde replies, “I did too; but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Husband says to his wife “put your coat on I’m going down the pub.
” why am I coming with you” she replies
I was at the cash point and there was a man in front of me. He was standing on 1 leg wobbling a bit. I said ‘ are you ok mate?’
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?