We asked members of The Decorators Forum to give us their funny jokes and Christmas stories. This is an example of what they came back with.

Where does mistletoe go to be famous?

Holly wood
Donna Ridge

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised!
John Preece

NEWSFLASH…Ireland’s worst ever plane disaster!! A 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetery today!!

So far rescue workers have uncovered 828 bodies, the digging continues.
Lee Stantiall

How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?

Just 1 after that it is not empty!🍻 Hope everyone had a good Christmas
Dave Davis

Best story – Has to be the army lad wrapped in a box and he had been away 6 months,his son was told he could open a presant early ……….his dad popped out had me buckled x

Robert Waugh

While sitting on my bed one night pulling my boxers off, the wife said you spoil those dogs…..

Steve Weaver

I have a super power!! I know what is inside wrapped presents….

It’s a gift.
Dave Anderson

Just back from the vets with the dog as its been eating all the Christmas Dec’s all last night, £120 later………….Bloody Dogs got tinselitis 👌

Colin CoCo pops

This is the nuts!!

Roy Durry

This year,I have decided to release a Christmas song called ” Duvet Know it’s Christmas?

It’s a cover version…😆😃😂😂

Merry Christmas to everyone
Terry Clark

I’ve just been diagnosed with insomnia…

On the plus side only 2 sleeps til Christmas
John Jones

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.  He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. 

The blonde looked at Jack and said,  “Do you think he’ll jump?”

Jack says, “You know what, I bet he will.”  The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”  Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, “You’re on!” 

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.  The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, “Fair’s fair… Here’s your money.”

Jack replied, “I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news and knew he would jump.” 

The blonde replies, “I did too;  but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

Jack took the money.
Alexander Brown

Husband says to his wife “put your coat on I’m going down the pub.

” why am I coming with you” she replies

“No I’m turning the heating off”
Ryan Chick

I was at the cash point and there was a man in front of me. He was standing on 1 leg  wobbling a bit. I said ‘ are you ok mate?’

To which he replied ‘ yeah , I’m just checking my balance ‘
😆😆😆
Penny Elson

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

Sold his soul to Santa and sacrificed a coat
Sean Flynn

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