Decorators top Christmas jokes

Updated Nov 20, 2022 | Posted Dec 28, 2018 | Professional insight, Miscellaneous | 0 comments

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We asked members of The Decorators Forum UK to give us their funny jokes and Christmas stories. This is an example of what they came back with…. hope you find them funny

Where does mistletoe go to be famous?

Holly wood

Donna Ridge

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised!
John Preece

NEWSFLASH…Ireland’s worst ever plane disaster!! A 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetery today!!

So far rescue workers have uncovered 828 bodies, the digging continues.
Lee Stantiall

How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?

Just 1 after that it is not empty!🍻 Hope everyone had a good Christmas

 

Decorators Top Christmas Jokes

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Two painters paint a house and hand the customer the bill.
The customer notices that the men charged no money for the actual paint.
The customer says, “You lads did such a great job. Why aren’t you charging me for the paint?”
The head painter looks at the man and says, “Don’t worry about the paint, it’s on the house.”
Edward Livingstone

While sitting on my bed one night pulling my boxers off, the wife said you spoil those dogs…..

Steve Weaver

I have a super power!! I know what is inside wrapped presents….

It’s a gift.
Dave Anderson

Just back from the vets with the dog as its been eating all the Christmas Dec’s all last night, £120 later………….Bloody Dogs got tinselitis 👌

Colin CoCo pops

This is the nuts!!

 

Decorators top Christmas jokes

Roy Durry

This year,I have decided to release a Christmas song called ” Duvet Know it’s Christmas?

It’s a cover version…😆😃😂😂

Merry Christmas to everyone
Terry Clark

I’ve just been diagnosed with insomnia…

On the plus side only 2 sleeps til Christmas
John Jones

Jack, a handyman, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.  He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

 

The blonde looked at Jack and said,  “Do you think he’ll jump?”

 

Jack says, “You know what, I bet he will.”  The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”  Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

 

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.  The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, “Fair’s fair… Here’s your money.”

 

Jack replied, “I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news and knew he would jump.”

 

The blonde replies, “I did too; but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

 

Jack took the money.

 

Decorators Top Christmas Jokes

Alexander Brown

Husband says to his wife “put your coat on I’m going down the pub.

” why am I coming with you” she replies

“No I’m turning the heating off”
Ryan Chick

I was at the cash point and there was a man in front of me. He was standing on 1 leg  wobbling a bit. I said ‘ are you ok mate?’

To which he replied ‘ yeah , I’m just checking my balance ‘
😆😆😆
Penny Elson

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

Sold his soul to Santa and sacrificed a coat
Decorators top Christmas jokes
Sean Flynn

When I started my new job Years Ago.
My boss handed me a fiver and said, “First things first, I need you to go down to the shops and buy me a glass hammer, a skirting board ladder and a bubble for a spirit level.”
I laughed and said, “Do you really think I’m that stupid?”
“What do you mean ?” He sniggered.
I said, “That lot is going to cost more than a flipping fiver.” 🤔😂

Two snakes were talking. One says to the other, “what’s 12×12?”

The other goes, “I don’t know, I’m an adder”.

 

Decorators Top Christmas Jokes

Mike Cupit

Updated Nov 20, 2022 | Posted Dec 28, 2018 | 0 comments

About the Author

About the Author

Mike Cupit has been in the decorating industry since 2002 and has mostly worked as a Trade Decorator in the domestic sector (peoples’ homes). Self-proclaimed “product geek”, Mike has a passion for paint and decorating tools. Mike now spends most of his time testing paint products and tools, comparing them to similar products on the market, and blogging about the industry in general.

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